Sunday, February 10, 2013

That changes everything!

I recently had a conversation with a fellow artist who felt bad that she hadn't attended my LAST CHANCE! show.  At the time, she wasn't sure how she felt about it, especially since it acted out a fear that she and so many artists have of what could happen to their own art.  She had invited a friend of hers to come along and that friend declined because she didn't see the point and didn't want to condone the wanton destruction of art.  But now in hindsight they feel differently and kind of regret having not come, especially in response to learning of the legacy campaign, which elicited the phrase "that changes everything..."

But nothing has changed really.  I bring this up not to be argumentative, but in order to validate that they didn't feel it at the time and so the response not to attend was correct in that moment.  I hadn't known at the time that I was going to use the proceeds to fund the legacy campaign - I came to that decision later after the experience.  But even if I had known that, it shouldn't have created a sense of obligation or desire to condone or show support of something that is difficult, challenging, offputting or goes against what one embraces or believes in.  I commend them both for not coming and for responding as they felt at that time.

Hindsight may be 20/20 but we live in the present and have to credit ourselves for being in that moment, whatever it may be.  We can't predict the future, nor should we dwell on things that have passed.  What's done is done, it is what it is, and often the best response is to pick up the pieces and move on.  I say this as much as a reminder to myself as to offer up advice to anyone else reading it.  I need to be present in the present and mindful of the here and now.  My perfectionist attitude and insecurities don't serve me well, especially in hindsight.

So, next time I chastise myself for not knowing something in advance or for thinking, "that changes everything" I will try to reconsider and realize that whatever moment I was in, for better or for worse, it was what it was.  Rather than invalidating myself or questioning my actions at that time, I will try to give myself credit and realize that nothing is truly any different for all that everything has changed.

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