Trying to Chill Out

I know I can be a bit of a control freak, which causes me a lot of stress in the art community at times since I often find myself working with people who are simply not as neurotic or organizationally-obsessed as I am. But I am really trying to chill out more and let things slide. It is still very awkward and part of me really wants to step in and take control, but I think I'm doing better at it.

It has helped being less involved in various groups to focus on myself because I don't have to rely on others to uphold things that reflect back on me. Hopefully someday I'll be able to become more involved again but be less stressed out by it. Ideally I need to learn not to let others' judgments of me affect me so much. When I do have to rely on other people, I shouldn't worry so much about how I am seen as a result of their actions and thus let it affect how I perceive of myself.

It's kind of funny because I've been able to let go in my art for a long while now, since I really started doing more conceptual work to foster conversation. I've had to distance myself in that to avoid being confrontational and to open myself up to more possibilities. But that hasn't been true of my life at all. I often take it too personally when people don't get back to me, lose things or simply forget. But that just comes around to my ego trying to make everything about me even when it isn't, and it doesn't serve me well.

I think when I learn to chill out regarding my own life that I will better be able to integrate my art into it and explore some of the more personal issues I've been struggling with. It will help me to overcome the disparity between the two. Art has always been my life and I've never separated the two in my mind, I just need to chill out more and let things go so that I can live my art.