Thursday, March 19, 2009

Week of Respite

The week off has been a mixed blessing. I am grateful to have had some time to catch up on things that I've had to put on the back burner in order to do my performance. I have done some housework and yardwork, worked on some new pieces in my studio, seen other shows around town, and more. However, the week simply hasn't been long enough and I am sort of dreading returning to the performance next week.

Regaining my freedom and autonomy has made me much more aware of what it has been like to be without while trapped in the cage last week. I think this is the main reason I am beginning to dread returning to the performance. It has also made me even more aware of how I become trapped in my own cycles at home, spending so much time on the computer managing myself as an artist, submitting my work to shows, checking up on email and blogging. I now realize that I need to let some of this go and spend more time on other endeavors, especially taking advantage of the comfortable weather while we have it.

All in all, I think that my understanding of this experience has actually been enhanced by the break in the middle. It can be harder to return to something than to engage in it the first time because we better know what we're getting ourselves into and the costs involved. But this means that we can better prepare ourselves for what's coming and better respond to the situation as well. I guess it's a part of the learning process. If nothing else, this experience is encouraging me to really appreciate what I have, to rethink some aspects of my life, and to reevaluate what is important and/or necessary. I imagine that returning to the performance next week will further clarify these reassessments.

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